I just got home from yet another Blazers game. Philip M got free tickets through work again. I met some of his coworkers, and there might even be a job opportunity that comes out of this. Cool.
This time we watched from a “sky box.” You can’t see the individual players and moves as well, but it’s a great vantage point to keep an eye on the whole game. It was a fairly uninteresting game, but it was a fun experience.
A dark & blurry view of the proceedings.
Philip and I spent most of the time chatting about relationships and love and meeting new people and what not. That was good. Very therapeutic, although we didn’t arrive at any definite answers to the harder questions/issues.
A semi-interesting photo of the view above our heads. It took me a while to notice this.
I rode the MAX across the river and then walked about two miles home in the rain. My outer garments were wet, but I stayed warm (layers, yo!). I love walking home in the rain at night. There’s no better time to think and feel.
Six years. Six fucking years. How long does it take to get over a six-year relationship? Or, more generally, an X-year relationship? Is there a formula that can be applied to the situation? Can we factor in all the variables, crunch the numbers, and find a solution?
Or, perhaps those years can just be cast aside. But I fear the consequences of misunderstanding, of un-attempted understanding. I fear the lingering destructive effect of unanswered questions and unresolved issues.
I’ll just sweep it away now, into the back of my mind somewhere (it can never truly be forgotten). I don’t like it, but there is no other choice (is there?).
Maybe counseling would help. “Give me therapy, not love.” I don’t know. I think it could help, but I don’t think it’s necessary. I think a therapist can provide perspective, but I’m also skeptical of authority and wary of standardized interpretations, labels, etc.
Is there another formula for figuring out what happened? How we could have done better? How we can move on and prevent the same mistakes in the future? Is it possible to avoid these mistakes, these issues? With anyone? Ever? Is it possible to find something Truly Special?
Perhaps our whole relationship paradigm is borked. In this culture, we seek True Love without community. We seek isolation in that special someone. Completion.
This isn’t the complete picture. It’s just a start. I’m thinking out loud.
The Willamette Week, a weekly paper in Portland, puts out an annual “love and sex” issue around Valentine’s Day, which includes interviews with local singles (cleverly titled Singled Out). This year, through a series of random circumstances, I was interviewed and got “mah pitcher in tha paper.” See it here (about midway down).
First off, I would like to express that I hate Valentine’s Day. I’m not going to go into why. The reasons are probably obvious anyway.
According to the article, my perfect date would be a “vegan bicycle chick.” Whereas that’s somewhat true, I would like to state, for the record, that I didn’t utter those words. In the distant past, I used the word “chick” to refer to women but not any more. Not that I’m super PC or anything; “chick” just doesn’t sound/feel right somehow.
Anyway…
It was interesting to be interviewed and kind of weird to read the article and know that there’s this portrait of me out there that’s not entirely accurate. In some ways, it describes me pretty well, but at the same time, it doesn’t feel like me at all. Doesn’t look like me either. Or does it?
I’ve had several people ask if I met anyone through the article. A few people sent me messages, and I went on one date (to the Red & Black Cafe). No “for-evah” prospects.
Being single/unattached is a good thing, at least for now. I’m not trying to get myself all tangled up with someone right after coming out of a six-year relationship, though I am interested in meeting people. My focus is on understanding and growth and relating to people. It seems we all run into the same relationship obstacles.
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