How easily we fall into material schemes. Fall. Every day I think to myself, What is the purpose, meaning, and value of this Life? There’s got to be so much more. Something… higher? I’m in deep water here. I don’t know how to understand or express this larger purpose, if it is a purpose. I don’t know how to find meaning, that I might move toward an understanding of this purpose.
A classic struggle. No answers, and so what do I do? Fall. Get caught up in schemes, dreaming about money, fame, making a name for myself. Is that it? Who’s got the answers now?
What do we strive for? In my current position, I help maintain systems that keep consumer goods running smoothly through this linear process: Extract. Manufacture. Buy. Sell. Buy. Dispose. Repeat. Don’t close the loop–dispose and start over. Dispose and destroy. Why don’t we care?
And what do I get from this work? Money so that I can maintain my Lifestyle? What the fuck? Money so I can pay outrageously inflated rent, buy cheap products made in China (don’t forget those externalized costs), pay my fucking iPhone bill? Look at me now, so caught up. Am I happy? Are you happy? Is this a path toward insanity or enlightenment? Is there a difference? Can I make a difference?
Why are we so afraid of insanity? Because we won’t be able to function as productive members of this so-called Society? We might be mocked? Shunned? Purposeless?
At home, I arrange my room. I think about how it’s going to be. It’s gonna be so cool. A new house mate just brought in a box full of movies. I’m gonna watch those movies. Oh yeah. It’s gonna be great. Fuck yeah. People will come over. We’ll talk about funny, clever, and cool shit. It’ll be so much fun. Yeah, I can’t wait.
I can’t wait to connect with people at a deeper level. I’m trying. I’m trying to find a purpose. I’m trying to find meaning in this, make this a little better each day. Is it working?
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